“Grown-ups never understand anything for themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them.”

August 23, 2010

One of my favorite quotes, from “The Little Prince”.  I’ve been thinking alot about child-like ease.  The security, the simple pleasures, the obvious but often overlooked questions and peace that come with being a child.  A happy child, that is. 

 

One can’t help but turn to the topic of time with a birthday looming.  My 31st birthday was last week.  I have always loved birthdays!  My Mom was so amazing at making us feel special and loved on our birthdays.  Growing up in a large family, it was easy to feel like you got lost in the chaos…but not on your birthday!  That day was all about YOU.  She went overboard in every way, every year.  I think perhaps that’s why I still celebrate so big every year, to keep that tradition alive.  I like to think she would like that.  I always feel a twinge of sadness on my birthday, that she isn’t present to give me a big birthday hug, wake me up in the morning singing and dancing and saying, “It’s your birfday!!!!”  So I throw a ridiculous soiree to boost my spirits and remind me that though she is gone, I still have friends that love me.  As evidenced by the silly Kentuckian Beach Bash thrown this past weekend.  How much fun I had sharing my Southern culture with my Hawaiian friends!  It was HILARIOUS!  I am so thankful to all of you that love me enough to dress up ridiculously and come out to celebrate.  It meant the world, truly.  A slide show as evidence of the fabulousness that ensued:

 

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

 

Time sure is ticking, isn’t it?  31 years…I can hardly believe it. As much as I have enjoyed and loved being back on my island, I have been learning alot.  I guess when you are not working and taken out of the monotonous stresses of everyday life you have much time to reflect.  Or maybe it’s just that pesky birthday again…

 

I remember talking with my amazing friend (and fellow Lunch Lady) Kristin the last time we were here….about how different everything would be if we came back.  We both miss Hawaii ferociously, but decided that we would have to be aware that if we returned, things will have changed.  For one, many incredible and close friends have left the island…this is both the magic and curse of Hawaii, as it is a transitional place.  You can always meet someone interesting and new, but constantly are saying goodbye to people you’ve become attached to.  Returning would inevitably mean finding ourselves without the people that helped to make Hawaii such an amazing place for us.  I knew this coming back…I even tried to mentally prepare myself for it.  I knew that friends that still lived here had also moved on in different capacities…their lives have changed and been challenged as mine has in the year we were off island.  I told myself not to be discouraged or offended if they didn’t immediately throw everything aside to welcome me back with open arms. 

 

And I wasn’t…I really didn’t expect that, but I have been disheartened by how much HAS actually changed, depsite my best efforts and emotional preparation.  We’ve been here 6 weeks now, and I’ve hardly seen some of the friends I was closest to while living here.  At first I was simply hurt…in my mind, you make time for people you love.  Period.  While that will always be what I believe, it doesn’t mean that others think the same way.  When you live far away from your actual family, you are forced to make your friends your family; you become so close and attached to these people because as humans we NEED that familial connection.  I had certainly done that with my Hawaiian friends, possibly even placing too much pressure on them at times because of it.  I am aware that friendships, like the majesty of love, sometimes simply die.  I am just not aware of how to handle it.  [sheepish shrug]

 

This is something I need to learn: how to let go.  I am terribly and horribly awful at letting go.  I haven’t come to a conclusion as to why this is so, but it is so.  Once I let you in, reallllly let you in, it’s oh-so-difficult to be released from my claw-like grasp.  I despise this about myself, because it nearly always leads me to a place of heartache and misery.  What a long, painful process it is, letting go of those you love.  The one shining, comforting and brilliant notion, is that it frees up space for new relationships and experiences.

 

And so thankfully and luckily, that has been happening.  I’ve been finding such goodness  and joy in people that I wasn’t all that close to when I was a Hawaii resident.  How did I overlook these original and amazing souls?  I’m thrilled to be learning more about each of you…and overjoyed that you are letting me weasel my way into your life…but watch out for that claw-like grasp…you may never escape.  😉

 

Who’s to say that something that lasts briefly has little value?  I am attempting to graciously accept defeat, stop trying so hard to hold on, stop trying to wedge myself into people’s lives…I am trying to submit graciously to the ticking of time and all of the new things it brings, good and bad.  That doesn’t mean, however, that I can’t be sad, or mourn the loss of something I feel that I have lost.  It does mean that I need to learn to look forward to a future with amazing people that I know I will encounter and love, because that is the way that I live my life.  🙂

13 Responses to ““Grown-ups never understand anything for themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them.””

  1. Faye said

    love you kate 🙂 tough but you’re a tough cookie…always come out on the other side not having drowned (there’s supposed to be a cliche in there somewhere). lol.

    Like

  2. Wife #2 said

    Um, there is a smoking hot guy in that slideshow with a white shirt and I thought “What is that and where can I get one?!?”

    Like

  3. Wife #2 said

    Oh, now that I’ve read the actual post instead of just drooling over that man: I am with you, honey, all the way. We’re the people who love too deeply, get the spunk stomped out of us, then get up and do it all over again … without regret. I think you’re the most perfect Katie Caldwell I’ll ever meet. Please don’t change.

    ❤ Love you, wifey.

    Like

    • Oh how I miss you!!!!! Thanks for reading and for being so awesome. I so wish you were here to play! Know that though we are far away, I think of you often and am always here for you, my friend. Thanks for the kind words…

      Like

      • Wife #2 said

        I miss you and think about our fantastic marriage, too! I’d like to think that if I were there we’d still have time to do all the things we did. Namely, drink. And that’s pretty much it. I was very sad and jealous that I couldn’t be there to get a Kentucky name. Could I be Maker? You know, since I’m always leaving my mark wherever I go? Oh, how I flatter myself!

        Like

  4. Brittany said

    Wow Katie, you are a talented writer. Quite a gift. 🙂 Your slide show is hilarious! Looks like you had an amazing time and I’m so happy you’re connecting with new people. I love meeting new like minded souls and and exploring each others world. I haven’t done that in forever. One because I’m getting older and realizing there is still a lot I want to accomplish and even less time than the last time I checked :/ and two I’ve now got an amazing boyfriend who seems to somehow take up all my time lol. And because we have become so close his family is very much my own, in which we had visitors this weekend and were on the other side of the world (Hawaii’s world that is) for your birthday party. I’ve heard stories though, about both the outfits and the food. 🙂

    You’re right about people leaving. It’s another reason I haven’t ventured out too much in hopes of making new friends. I’ve had (no kidding) 8 friends leave since the stroke of 2010, very depressing. And yet like you said, in a way excited for them and their new adventures.

    One thing I absolutely love LOVE about you, is how smiley you are and upbeat. Yes, you’re sensitive, but very strong (like Faye said) and have this ability to see the bright sunny side of life regardless. You are a gem!

    Like

    • Brit! You read my blog!!!! 🙂 Thanks so much for the sweet words…and I always think of you the same way…smiley and upbeat, a postive breathe of fresh air! I so wish you could have come to the party, but I knew you were planning your campout long before, so no worries. I’m so glad I’ve gotten to see you though!!!! And hope to see more of your lovely face. Thanks again for the supportive words and for just being…you. Much love!

      Like

  5. Sarah said

    l loved reading this. You are really talented and I think that you have a gift for writing. I’d love to see you develop that talent. Maybe the book we’ve been wanting to write.

    You are an amazing woman, and I’m so thankful to have you in my life. And I’m pleased that we are finally spending more time together. I can’t wait to hear more about your adventures.

    Like

  6. Rich said

    Hey, Katie,
    Great post! Thank you for sharing and being so candid with your feelings. You truly are a gifted writer. And I know what you mean about Hawaii being a transitional place. I’ve lived here over 18 years now (Whoa!!!), and it’s something I’ve gotten used to, but not easily. Many a great friend has come and left here. Sometimes you’ll manage to stay in touch, and sometimes, sadly, you don’t. Facebook and email certainly make it easier, though.
    -r-

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: